Posts Tagged by cancer

The Relay for Life for The Canadian Cancer Society was this past weekend. This was my second year participating. Last year our mom’s group went in support of wee baby Harry, who at the time, was still in chemo for a rare form of liver cancer. Last year was very very cold and wet. It poured rain, sideways, due to the gale force wind and we were all quite miserable. Baby Harry made an appearance that night, along with his mum, dad, and big sister. It was gloomy at best and there was this tiny boy with a feeding tube in his nose, clad from head to foot in blue rain gear, with bright sunshine yellow crocs. It was a sight to behold. We all cried buckets when Harry, safely tucked in his Mummy’s arms, did a lap around the track with the survivors.

I said I wouldn’t do it this year. It was simply too hard to contemplate. Harry died last August. We walked last year with hope, slim slivers of hope, but hope none the less. Without that small beacon of light – those yellow crocs! – I couldn’t face it. However, the universe had other plans for me and there we were.

Cynthia and Henry and Lydia, Harry’s family, were asked to cut the ribbon to begin the relay. Cynthia asked me to come. As if I would decline a request like that…

And how do I paint a picture for you of what this was like? Tragic, hilarious, peaceful, heart wrenching, sad, and barrels of fun. And although I cried, sobbing crying, the ugly cry, on camera, and thought my heart would shatter yet again, I had a fantastic time.

It was a tragic reason to be at the Goldeyes Park, not just the loss of Harry but the loss of so many others, dramatically illustrated in the lit luminaries around the track. Hilarious because while it didn’t rain and was actually a lovely sunny evening, a sudden and severe windstorm blew through the park right when we were setting up the tents. Picture us frantically grabbing flapping tarps and nylon screening and finally flattening ourselves on the tents to hold them down, all the while laughing uncontrollably. Peaceful, to have the time together, not just our team but everyone at the relay to think about how lucky we are, to walk slowly and calmly around a track on a beautiful May evening. Heartwrenching to listen to Cynthia give a tribute to her son and claim that she did indeed get her miracle because Harry was expected to die that first weekend of diagnosis and instead lived for 5 and half more glorious months. Sad to look at the large photo they brought of him with this huge grin on his face and a feeding tube in his nose. And so much fun…to be together, and laugh and talk and catch up with people we hadn’t seen for awhile, meet new friends, to share stories of children and spouses and simply have a good time on a Friday night surrounded by a bunch of other people who understood.

What I’d like you to understand is that happiness isn’t about always being outwardly smiley and cheerful. It’s not the absence of sadness. Deeply and consistently, and truly happy people are not immune to the daily annoyances of life nor the tragedies that befall all of us at some point. Happy people can be grumpy, sad, irritated (and irritating!). They cry, yell, fume, dwell, possibly even throw things. And yet, they bounce back more quickly, can more easily move on to better things. Why is that so?

The happiest people have a particular way of looking at the world that allows them to see the pain as temporary – this is a core principle of optimism – the way you see the world. How do you explain the things that happen to you? When something rotten, frustrating, maddening, hurtful happens to you, what is your gut response? That’s key. It’s your habits that matter. Do you always or never…fill in the blank. Using words like that tell you a lot about your explanations of the world. The flip side matters too. How do you explain good stuff to yourself?

Cynthia embodies the true spirit of optimism. I’ll spend some time this week telling you more about it from an academic side – if you want to read a beautiful illustration of what optimism is from a practical side, see Harry’s blog www.hendriksjourney.blogspot.com

Until next time.